Author, Daryl Hoole
Monday, March 15, 2010
“Teach your child an orderly way of life; it will be to his great advantage. It’s not too early to start when your baby is born,” counseled a wise, experienced registered nurse as she spoke to a group of women, including me, attending a prenatal class. “To do so,” she encouraged, “establish a set time for your baby’s bath each day. It doesn’t matter what time, just so you’re consistent in bathing him at the same time each day.” She went on to say, “A baby’s bath is the most dramatic event of his day and therefore the baby will tend to regulate his young life, which consists mainly of eating and sleeping, around the bath experience.”
The nurse further recommended that as soon as the newborn infant is a few weeks old and becomes fairly adjusted, you should not feed him in the daytime more often than every three hours or let him go longer than five hours without a feeding. “At night,” she emphasized, “you should feed the baby only when he awakens on his own.” She promised that in so doing the baby will soon settle into a comfortable schedule, including sleeping through the night. Such a routine can contribute significantly toward a content, happy baby and a rested, happy mother. He is already benefiting from an orderly way of life and so are you.
This brings me to the first point in teaching your child an orderly way of life. It is:
1. Establish Routines
As the child matures, it’s important to establish a routine, or structure, through consistent eating, napping, and sleeping times. Just as with the baby, a reasonable schedule makes a cooperative, obedient child. It’s certainly unfair and terribly unkind to scold or punish a child for misbehaving when actually he’s just hungry or tired.
The routine becomes more involved as life takes on new dimensions for the child. The morning routine is based on dressing, helping make his bed (a toddler can “fluff” the pillow and thereby get in the habit of making his bed), brushing teeth, and combing hair. This morning routine can include a few simple chores such as helping to set the table for breakfast.
A bedtime routine can be a highlight of the child’s day with stories, songs, cuddle time, and prayers. Such a routine can provide comfort and security for a child and send him off to slumberland with sweet dreams.
The bedtime routine at our house, in addition to the above-mentioned rituals, consisted of a brief visit at each bedside to talk about the child’s “happiest experience” of the day. Sometimes we had to double up with the stories and songs, but the “happiest experience” and prayer that followed were usually one-on-one. This special moment between arent and child (Daddy took his turn, too, whenever he was available) became a precious time as the child reflected on his day and identified what it was that made him happy.
When daily scripture reading is part of their routine, a family is blessed in many ways—from inviting the spirit into each life to teaching very young children to read.
There is motivation in routines because the plan carries you. This leads to our next point: consistency.
2. Be consistent
There is power and strength in consistency. If, on occasion, you fail to be consistent, it is important to admit it and apologize to your children, promising to try harder in the future. It’s better to acknowledge a failure than to pretend nothing went wrong.
In his October 2009 general conference talk, Elder David A. Bednar spoke of family prayer, scripture study, and family home evening. He said that with their active, rambunctious boys, family home evening lessons didn’t always produce the high levels of edification he and his wife wanted and expected.
“Today,” Elder Bednar continued, “if you could ask our adult children about family prayer, scripture study, and family home evening, I believe I know how they would answer. What they would say they remember is that as a family we were consistent.
Then he stated, “Sister Bednar and I thought helping our sons understand the content of a particular lesson was the ultimate outcome. But such a result does not occur each time we study or pray or learn together. The consistency of our intent was perhaps the greatest lesson—a lesson we did not fully appreciate at the time.” –Ensign, November 30, 1909, p. 19
3. Set your child up for success
After establishing routines, the next step is to set your child up for success. If it’s easy and convenient, they’re more likely to keep order.
Toddlers and pre-schoolers thrive on “helping” you by fetching items and returning them, and they can perform these little tasks well if things are in their place. In fact, they are glad to know that everything has a “home” and they’re quick to put items back in their places. It’s when things are misplaced that children become frustrated and lose interest in helping.
Where practical, install low clothes rods, hooks, and shelves within reach of your child for his clothes, books, and toys. Place organizers in drawers to keep items orderly and properly separated—socks not mixed up with underwear and hair ribbons not tangled with the blow dryer.
Our daughter-in-law, Ann, writes, “Our boys love, love, love to use our label machine, and Jake, age 9, especially enjoys typing out the labels for me to place on items. It's a good way to organize and keep things in their places and work on spelling at the same time.
4. Instill good habits
Build upon the routines you’ve established by instilling good habits.
● No meals on wheels
In other words, no eating on foot. Places in the house where children may eat sitting down should be designated. There’s no need for a mother or anyone else to have to clean three rooms just because a child ate one cookie. It’s not necessary for a child to run through the house with a juicy orange or apple or a dripping popsicle, making sticky spots along the way. Not only does this help a child learn to respect mother’s time and effort in cleaning, it further teaches him to be a good steward over his home and possessions.
● A place for everything, everything in its place
Following her birthday party, Hannah, age 4, asked her mother to help her find “homes” for her new toys. She wanted a place for her teddy bear to live and her new books to be kept. Hannah was learning that when you put a toy away in its home, it is safe and happy, and then when you want to play with it again, you will know where to find it, in its home.
● Pick up is part of play
Hank and I took several of our young grandchildren to the Salt Lake City Children’s Museum. It’s a wonderful interactive place that is both educational and entertaining for children. I noticed that every ten feet, about the height of a three-year-old are signs that read “Pick Up is Part of Play.”
● De-junk
Liz saves every item that comes home from school that her child has made or drawn. Then, they have a day set aside at the first of summer to go through and keep the best one from the year. (It could be fun and rewarding to expand on that and save three items (Gold, Silver, Bronze or 5 star, 4 star ,or 3 star level work) or have a "Memory Monday FHE" and go through the items all together as a family.
● Work smart, not just hard
Sam, age 16, makes a protein drink using the blender. It takes just seconds to wash out if you do it right away. If not, the mixture sticks to the blender and it becomes more difficult and time-consuming to clean it. His mother showed him how to just take a drop of dish detergent and a cup or two of hot water and put it back on the blender. As the soap and hot water blend, the blender is cleaned and ready for the next use. His mother used the phrase "A stitch in time saves nine" and explained it to him. It made sense to him and became a light bulb moment of "A-ha!" It may seem old-fashioned to use an old cliché, she thought to herself, but it really makes sense and provides a great teaching moment.
● Put the house to bed before you go to bed—an ounce of evening can be worth a pound of morning.
Emily, age 8, said, “When I complete my homework and pack my school bag and put away my clothes and books before I go to bed, it saves me hours of hassle the next day.
5. Help your child see the rewards, both short and long term
An orderly way of life frees your child from hassle and frustration so he can make the most of his skills and talents. The habits of order and organization are transferable to any walk of life and can bring about opportunities for success. Mostly, however, the benefits and blessings of an orderly life are intrinsic such as feelings of satisfaction, fulfillment and even joy.
A mother reports, we've been cleaning out closets and drawers again and giving away items to those in need. The other day, Max, age 13, and I were driving and saw a girl wearing his old weatshirt that I had just given away to a family who immigrated here from Argentina! It was eye-opening to him that his "extra" item that had been tossed aside to make room for something new was now being worn by someone who truly needed it. I think it really motivated him to share what he doesn't need and keep his closet cleaned out.
Robyn, a young adult, says. “When my room and surroundings are orderly, I am at my best and I feel the spirit. I realize that being orderly and organized are godlike traits, so it’s important to me to develop those qualities.”
Teach your child an orderly way of life; it will be to his great advantage. Start now, even if your child is a brand new baby. And, mothers, don’t give up. Plant the seed, develop the root, and someday you’ll see fruit.
Do You Need H.E.L.P.?
Home Executive Lessons and Principles
by Daryl Hoole
Daryl is answering questions from readers who contact her at ask@theartofhomemaking.com. Her response will be sent directly to the reader. Some responses may also be incorporated into her “At Home” column that appears every four weeks on Mondays on Meridian. This information will also be available on her personal website at www.theartofhomemaking.com.
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About the Author:
Daryl Hoole has written and lectured extensively on home management and family living. She authored six books, including the long-term, best-selling The Art of Homemaking. Recently her new book The Ultimate Career — The Art of Homemaking for Today was published and is being enthusiastically received. She has been in demand as a speaker for women’s groups throughout the United States and Canada and has spoken at Education Weeks for over twenty-five years. She has served in all the Church auxiliaries and was a member of the Primary General Board. She fulfilled two missions to The Netherlands, once when her father was mission president and later when her husband presided over that mission. In addition, she and her husband recently served a third mission in Asia as area welfare-humanitarian administrators, based in Hong Kong. Daryl and her husband, Hendricus (Hank), are the parents of eight living children and the grandparents of thirty-six.
