Purposeful Living

We are a composite of our life experiences. Each day that we live we are effected by the people we interact with on an ongoing basis, i.e. family, friends, colleagues, co-workers.

Unkind words repeated over time can leave emotional scars. There is a difference between positive and negative words spoken and what a profound effect providing they have upon us for good if constructive. It can have on the other hand a destructive effect if negative words are used over and over through time. Let me illustrate briefly.

The other day I took three of my grandchildren for a walk to the park, with two children in tow going with the two year old inside the stroller and the other on roller blades next to me. The older one, Adam was on his bicycle.

We arrived at the park and I strolled off to the walking path with the baby. Madie was on her roller blades t trying to steady herself. She suddenly called to me, "Grandma, Adam says I suck." I knew she meant he was saying something mean to her and she did not like it so came to me to tattle on him.

I quickly corrected him saying "ADAM! You stop that and never tell her such a thing again or it would ruin the rest of her life!" The words just came out of my mouth without even thinking! I know where they came from though. They came from my inner child of the past.



Adam, eight years old had made a remark that six year old Madie took offense, and rightfully so. She came to report to me and tattled at the same time. This exchange all of a sudden was as if in that moment I knew how it would scar her for life--if I didn't say something. I saw myself, not her. It was as if she were me whining to my mother about the latest insult or injury from my older brother.

The thought that flashed into my mind was. . . for Adam to not ever talk like he was putting his sister down and make her feel badly. I momentarily relived the constant insults and abuse by this brother. It was not a good feeling nor one I wanted to remember.

Now, as in the present though my granddaughter had a big brother that tormented her just like mine did to me. I quickly commanded him (as if I was going make him ) to stop. This generational pattern and competitive exercise in futility must stop once and for all. Today.

Statements of the past and present:

"Mommy, "Mommy, he is looking at me." says me.

"Grandma,"Adam says I suck!" says Madie.

Tara says, "Mom, Hank is teasing me again. Tell him to stop."

"Anna Marie, you are so ugly." "Put your head down while I take you to school. "
He didn't want his friends see him drive his sister to school. It wasn't cool...

These are some of the phrases you may have all heard FROM three generations to me, my daughter, and now granddaughter.

Question: Where does this all end up and where do we go from her to STOP It?

If I could I would do all I could to undo all the damage to prevent and spare one even ONE person from living or thinking they are worthless; then there is hope in the world for it to heal.

The thought came to mind to write about this scenario that was for me momentarily relived. It took me back mentally years to when I looked in the mirror as a teen I saw an ugly face, with sadness in my eyes full of insecurity with a sense of worthlessness. This feeling of lack remained until I was twenty-four years old. Gratefully I had a spiritual awakening that empowered me to believe I had worth beyond imagination.

I would become a new person from the inside out. I was not perfect mind you; nevertheless I had an individual worth that felt so good and I knew God valued me and who I was and was his child. It miraculously healed all those years of hurt, sadness and depression inflictedupon me by my older brother, Robert.

Words can be daggers, destructive and so unnecessary. Later years told the sibling rivalry was about his jealousy and his own insecurity. The words had a long lasting effect on me. It stifled my self-image.

I will continue this on the next entry about the ways I want my posterity to benefit from what I went through as a young girl. It made up my mind as a young mother to be positive and build my children up to believe in themselves. I feel I have succeeded and continue with my grandchildren.